Embracing the Gray: Living Authentically in a World of Black and White
Embracing the Gray: Living Authentically in a World of Black and White
I wrote another post about Gray Living, and now I'm going to stay on that theme. With a personal insight.
It’s not uncommon for me to avoid answering questions directly or sometimes not answer them at all. I know that drives some people nuts. Yet I still do it.
I had to ask myself why. Am I avoiding something? Do I not want them to know? Am I trying to be difficult? There are so many possibilities. But I had an epiphany in the bathroom after a fabulous Zoom meeting with a new friend. We were talking about what she does and what I do. In both my work and personal life, I live in the gray, which is counter to much of society.
We, as humans, like to live in the black and white—right and wrong, good and bad. It’s easier to control and predict. I know where I stand with myself and others as long as I follow the script. And that was it. I frustrate people because they expect something from me that is not as simple as the answer they want or expect. We want people to do things our way, to present in a way that is familiar. When that doesn't happen, there’s a threat to what we know—relationships, work, community dynamics.
Granted, we may have a history of being hurt or triggered when we choose something different than the socially acceptable, predictable path. Yet, we are often unsatisfied with where we are. If we want a different outcome, we often have to risk changing tactics. I know that is very scary and unknown territory.
Here's the thing: life isn't one-size-fits-all. What works wonders for one person could be potentially very detrimental for another. This realization is crucial in learning to hold space for the process, both for ourselves and others. The gray area isn't about avoiding decisions or being ambiguous for the sake of it. It's about recognizing that life is multifaceted, and solutions are not universally applicable. We must honor the diversity of experiences and approaches.
When we feel cornered, we have a choice: do we acquiesce or stay true and create an opportunity to go deeper with others if they are also willing to see us as unique? Neither way is the “right” way. The most important thing is that you are honest with yourself about your why and motivation.
It has not been uncommon for me to buck the system, to make my own rules—not out of defiance, but out of a desire to truly belong. To belong within myself, to create space for me to truly live, and to hold space for others to do the same for themselves. It is not easy. It is not always fun. Yet it is, and has so far always been, worth it.
There have been lots of tough conversations, emotions, and vulnerabilities, yet I truly get to feel alive in my life. Whether it is as a woman, wife, mother, friend, or in my work, I get to show up as me. Embracing the gray is about authenticity. It’s about being true to myself and allowing others the space to be true to themselves too. It’s not about avoiding conflict or questions, but about challenging the notion that there is always a simple, black-and-white answer.
Living in the gray means accepting that life is complex, that answers are not always clear-cut, and that our true selves don’t always fit neatly into predefined boxes. It means being willing to explore, to question, and to grow. And while it might frustrate some people, it also opens the door to deeper, more meaningful connections with those who are willing to join us in the gray.
So, here’s to embracing the gray—where life is richer, relationships are deeper, and we all get to show up as our true selves. Holding space for the process allows us to honor each person’s unique journey, fostering a world where authenticity and individuality can thrive. Remember that there is a spectrum to the gray which keeps life fluid and evolving.
By: Rebekah LaRobardiere June 10.2024
