Stress, Mental Load, and the Need for Control

Stress, Mental Load, and the Need for Control

Stress often stems from the invisible mental load we carry—the endless to-do lists, planning, and emotional labor. Many of us take on this load not just out of necessity but because we crave control. We believe that controlling the outcome will make things safer, smoother, or “right.”

At one point, this need for control may have been a survival tool. But now, it might be working against you, draining your mental, emotional, and physical health—and the vitality of your relationship.

When we cling to control, we may unintentionally:

- Critique, “teach,” or “help” our partner into compliance.

- Stand up for ourselves in ways that shut them down.

- Over-function, leaving little room for them to step in.

This dynamic erodes connection. It prevents both partners from showing up as their full, messy, human selves. And isn’t that what relationships are about? Being seen, known, and loved—flaws and all?

The goal is not perfection or control. It’s a partnership.

- Allow yourself your humanity.

- Extend the same courtesy to your partner.

- Let go of the illusion of control and make space for shared growth.

When both people feel safe to show up authentically, the relationship transforms. Contention is replaced with collaboration, and growth becomes a joyful journey instead of a battleground.

You don’t have to carry it all. Make space for connection, and watch your relationship flourish.

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Rebekah Joy LaRobardiere

November 20, 2024

Website: https://www.rjlcoaching.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rjlcoaching/